there are days that i feel completely alone in this world even though i am married mother of 2. i have a part time job doing a career that i love, but there are so many times during the day, the week, that i feel like i am completely and 100% alone. Like there is no one around me. I feel like if i screamed at the top of my lungs, there wouldnt even be someone to turn their head to the sound.
i feel that i am alone in my marriage mostly. we have been together for almost 3 years and for most of the time, i was the only one bringing any kind of income into the household. when we started dating, i had a line of credit that had approximately $8000 on it and 2 credit cards that had minimal balances on them. now, almost 3 years later, the line of credit is maxed to $56000, we have a truck loan of $24000 and both the credit cards are maxed out. we have had to borrow money from my brother as well as a lending company just to keep the house. creditors call almost every day... and he doesnt seem to understand why i get stressed and frustrated about our bills! maybe its because everything is in my name... maybe its because its my ass that is on the line... maybe its because its me who they are calling to talk to and want money from. he doesnt see the bills, or at least doesnt want to see the bills. so im stuck dealing with everything... gah! and then he wonders why cant we go and do this, why cant we buy that, why isnt there any money left in the bank account 3 days after pay day.... um... maybe its because im trying my best to get the bills paid off! and no you cant go get a new ARB bumper for the truck, no u cant go and get rock sliders for the truck, no you cant go and spend money on random shit that you want. why?? CUZ THERE IS NO FUCKING MONEY!
vent vent vent....
and he wonders why when he comes home and demands that i make supper after i get off work that i might be a little upset. get all pissed off at me because i might want to sit down and relax for a couple minutes before getting and preparing supper for the family. whats wrong with you?? oh right, the classic, 'i dont know how to cook' excuse and the 'things taste so much better when u make them'. u know why things taste better when i cook them? cuz i actually stay in the kitchen and watch that they dont burn or over cook rather than putting it on the stove then disappearing downstairs to sit on your computer and leave it to either burn or for me to end up cooking.
